Cows Have Brands! So, Authors, Why Don’t You?

Cows Have Brands! So, Authors, Why Don’t You? In this post about branding and marketing for authors, I approach the subject a little snarkier, a little differently than others might, but not too much different.

Cows Have Brands! So, Authors, Why Don’t You?

It’s a verifiable fact that people hate you when all you do is post about your stupid book. I mean, I hate you too. Bob calls this form of promoting, “Tooting your own horn.” My Mom used to call it bragging. So, stop it. Nobody wants to buy something from a braggart especially when they don’t know who the hell you are.

Ask yourself this: How many commercial ad emails do you think, “Oh goody! Another product from some one or some company I’ve never heard of! Oh, yay! I get to spend my hard-earned money on their stupid crap! Yippee!”

No. You never say that. You simply hit delete.

We authors think that because we’re authors, everyone is interested in what we do. I’m no different. We’re fascinating people, as a rule. However, that opinion comes directly from our ill-informed minds. We’re actually very boring because all we want to do is talk about ourselves. Ask Bob. Give him a call. His number is (360) 585-5115. Not really.

So, how can we make our books stand out in the alphabet soup of all other books out there?

Well, one way is to write a great story. And if you can’t do that then try the following:

  • Make sure your cover art is striking. If you’re traditionally-published, make certain your publisher doesn’t botch this part of your published book. It will make or break book sales. If you’re self-published, there are many great book cover artists. I recently found You can hire a designer for a custom cover or you can select from thousands of premade covers by genre. That’s another thing, know your genre.
  • Another way to stand out is to show people your true personality. This goes back to the point where I asked, would you buy something off the internet from someone you don’t know. When people get to know you and they like you (This is important too. Don’t be a moron. I know. I’ve been one. Sometimes still am. My cross to bear.) as I was stating, when people get to know you and they like you, they will buy stuff from you. You could be selling tuna toothbrushes and if you make a case that even tuna need clean teeth and people like you, you’ll be selling tuna toothbrushes in no time flat.
  • Use Facebook wisely. I pop into Facebook a couple times a day. However I avoid those “sell your books here” pages because the majority of members are other authors trying to sell their books. It’s like holding up a mirror in front of a mirror. The horror.
  • Use Facebook wisely, part deux. I like my FB friends. So, I like to chat people up. People like to be chatted up although I did get into a little bit of a kerfuffle with one dude who, as it turns out spent time behind bars and complained how he couldn’t practice law after reading tomes of law books, and that after doing so he felt competent to give legal advice inside the slammer. Other than those times, most of my posts are like the one above, about potato flakes. Others are as abstract as the one below about cow farts. When I first read this article on a friend’s page, I roared. People like to laugh. I’m a people. I know. But really, we have enough pain and suffering to go around. Make ’em laugh, I say. Once they laugh, you’ve set the hook on your tuna. Now sell him a toothbrush because once they like you, they buy from you.

Here’s the cow fart post:

I tracked how many book posts I’ve placed on my FB page from January 26th to February 7th. In the past twelve days, I placed one post about STORM SEASON and another about THE DEMENTIA CHRONICLES. Those posts typically get the fewest likes and shares. Every other post was either weird, funny, or about deer.

See what I did there? I compared types, random posts to selling-oriented posts. And in doing so, I told you about my two latest books. It takes practice to know so much about so much. I’m not being egotistical either. Just stating the facts. 😀

So, what makes you interesting? For me, it’s a sense of humor and, of course, the deer. I know you’re more interesting than that. You’ll figure it out and you’ll know when you land on it. People will either laugh at you or get offended. Choose your weapon wisely. And, if you’re awesome, you can sometimes combine both.

BTW, the potato flake logo FB post idea came while fixing breakfast for Robert and Teddy, our dogs. Be aware of your thoughts. Those thoughts are the deep you. That’s the you people will fall in love with. Now, go out and have fun.

The Dementia Chronicles by Susan Wingate

Thanks for reading, Cows Have Brands! So, Authors, Why Don’t You? I hope you enjoyed it.

1 Comment

  1. Jo on February 8, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    Potato flake? Did I miss something? ROFL I read every word … TWICE! What’d I miss? LOL
    Love you bunches, Cuz … you make me laugh! A sense of humor is REQUIRED in this life!

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